This Monday I’m truly fascinated by the different types of people you can find in the cinema. We are all different, but when you’re at the cinema we all fit into a certain type. I go to the movies quite a lot and made an elaborate study out of this. I divided everyone into ten different types. (You could fit into more than one type).
Type one: The phone-junky. The name pretty much says it all. These are the people that have their phone glued to their hand and have to check their screen every 10 seconds. I mean, what if someone texts you and you don’t immediately reply? They could think you died or worse! They could think you’re actually doing something else than looking at your phone all the time. That would be embarrassing.
This type also includes the people who forget to turn off their phones. This isn’t the end of the world, but if you’re the person that actually answers their phone. F*ck you!
Type two: The latecomer. Going to the movies can be confusing. You need to get to the cinema, you have to buy a ticket, you need to decide what snacks you’re going to get, you need to find your seat and worst of all you only have a limited amount of time to do all these things. I mean getting your master’s degree in Physics sounds easier. So I can understand you are a little late. It happens to the best of us. But that doesn’t mean you should make everyone around you aware of the fact you’re late. Just find your seat and sit down. Don’t walk in with your hands up in the air saying: ‘Sorry people, couldn’t find a parking spot.’ We really don’t care.
Type three. The loud-chewer / the slurper. I never understood why you need to make noises while you eat or drink, but it seems like a lot of people struggle with this problem. I mean there are a lot of people that make the weirdest noises while eating their food. Sometimes I seriously wonder whether they are eating their snacks or making love. I personally don’t get irritated by these people. I’m so fascinated by the sounds they make that I do forget about the movie, but it’s way too fascinating to get frustrated.
Type four: The face-suckers. Love is all around us, but it seems like people go crazy when watching a movie. The darkness of the cinema gives people a safe feeling, but the people around you can still see you and more importantly can still hear you. This is why I never know if people are just chewing loudly, or if they are actually making love. Just read the stories about all the things people did while watching Fifty Shades of Grey. There are some crazy people out there.
Type five: The susher. It’s one of the most annoying sounds there is. Someone shushing you and demanding that you shut up. I just cringe every time I hear that sound. It’s probably because I fit into the next type.
Type six: The exited reactor. This is the person that starts talking every time something exiting happens. They just need to say what’s on their mind or they will go crazy. They just can’t keep their mouths shut. Just. Can’t. Stop. Talking! Need. To. React.
Also included in this category are all the teenage girls or the gigglers as I like to call them. (I would like to say that I don’t fit into this category. I probably talk too much, but I don’t giggle.)
Type seven: The armrest-stealer. A lot of people seem to think that everyone has two armrest at their disposal. This is a LIE. Everyone has one armrest. If you’re with friends and you make the deal that one person uses the upper parts of the armrests and you the lower parts, that’s fine. But if there’s a stranger next to you, figure out which armrest is yours. Don’t claim them both as your territory or you might start an intentional war.
Type eight: The giant / the screen-stealer. Again I’m this type, but in this type’s defense, it’s not like we can do anything about it. These are the really tall people that sit in front of you and block half of the screen. I try to sink into my chair as much as possible, but there’s only so much my back can handle. (So, right now I would like to use this opportunity to apologize to all the people that sat behind me in the past and to all the people that will sit behind me in the future. I’m really sorry. Blame my parents, it’s their genes that made me this tall.)
Type nine: The walking spoiler. Again, I personally don’t mind spoilers. I don’t know why, but I always need to know everything. (I’m discovering so much about myself while writing this blog. Apparently I’m a know-it-all. Although, I probably should have realized that a long time ago. Oh, well.) The walking spoiler is the person that knows everything about the movie, before it even started. You have two types of walking spoilers. You have the mild version and the intense version. The mild version is the person that keeps reminding you that they know what is about to happen, but who won’t tell you what it is. About a minute before this really epic moment, they know what is about to happen and start jumping up and down their chair. ‘The next part will be awesome! You will love it. You have to love it.’
The more intense version is the person that knows what is about to happen, but in his / her excitement screams at the top of their lungs. ‘OMG. This is the part where Snape dies!’ (I assume that everyone has seen Harry Potter by now. So, I should be safe with this spoiler!)
Type ten: The I-don’t-understand-and-I-need-you-to-explain-me-everything person. I really don’t think this type needs any more explaining. (You see what I did there?)
Have a nice Monday.