Mood: Refreshed, but covered in toothpaste.
Recently I have come to the conclusion that I suck at brushing my teeth. It’s not something that requires special skills, but I just always mess it up. The things that other people find hard and difficult to learn, like math or sports, always come easy to me. (I’m not trying to brag, just hear me out.) But the moment I have to do these simple things, like using a fork and knife or putting on clothes, I just keep messing up. Usually, I can fake it until I make it, but brushing my teeth remains a challenge.
There is just no way of pretending I actually can brush my teeth like a normal person. You know in movies, when somebody gets poisoned and they have this white stuff coming out of their mouths. I know this is disgusting, but that’s what I look like when I’m brushing my teeth. Toothpaste is literally dripping down my face and onto my clothes. There’s just no way of hiding that. I’m just a drooling idiot. My clothes usually end up looking like a Pollock painting. (If you don’t know who Pollock is, you should Google him!)
I brush my teeth twice a day. So twice a day I’m covered in toothpaste. I actually don’t get dressed until I’ve brushed my teeth, because I know I will ruin my clothes if I do. Now you might be wondering, what can go wrong with brushing your teeth! Let me tell you!
The first problem is I hate standing still for too long. I need to keep moving, which is why I usually turn on some music while I brush my teeth so I can dance around the room. That’s probably not a smart thing to do, but I get bored if I don’t. And even when I don’t move around the room and just stand in front of the mirror things get messy.
Here I am, just brushing my teeth. No problem, just moving my electric toothbrush from tooth to tooth, but the moment I get to my front teeth and my lip moves slightly the waterfall of drool and toothpaste starts. Also, when I get to the teeth at the back of my mouth this little stream in the corner of my mouth appears. Now my toothbrush is covered in toothpaste as well and it’s dripping down my arm. This one drop is slowly getting closer to my sleeve, wanting to leave its mark. My toothbrush is getting slippery. I’m losing my grip. I lose control. My toothbrush seems to have a life of its own. (I could literally write an entire screenplay about me and my toothbrush, titled: Diaries of an electric toothbrush.) It’s just one big mess.
I personally blame gravity for all of this! Thanks, Newton!
Have a nice Monday.